A few weeks ago, as my wife and I drove around town, I said to her I had not been feeling like myself for a while–physically, mentally, or emotionally. I had been feeling strange and thinking about what was wrong or why I was feeling that way.
I was experiencing a sense of detachment from myself, almost like observing my own life from a distance. It was disorienting and unsettling, like there was a disconnect between my external actions and internal state of being.
Imagine watching yourself go through daily life, engaging in familiar activities like going to work, spending time with your loved ones, cooking, shopping, eating out, yet feeling like you're not fully present in those moments. It's as if you're going through the motions while your mind is elsewhere, like an observer rather than an active participant in your own life. Even though you're physically present and engaging in your usual routines, there's a sense of disconnect from the emotions and sensations that typically accompany those experiences.
In mid-February, I had started a new job at an organization I deeply admired, PEAK Grantmaking. So, I was several weeks into my new job when I shared how I felt with my wife.
As my wife and I talked about these feelings, I mentioned to her that I thought the reason I felt this way was because I no longer had to deal with the shit, stress, gas lighting, racial bias, and microaggressions I had experienced the last several years at previous jobs.
I was experiencing a significant contrast between my current situation and the challenges I had faced previously. Relief from the stress and difficulties of past roles initially felt freeing, but also left me grappling with a sense of disorientation or detachment as I adjusted to a new reality. My body, mind, and spirit had become accustomed to dealing with these situations daily.
I had adapted to navigating these challenges in the workplace as part of my daily routine. Over time, I had grown accustomed to coping with these situations, and they became an unfortunate but accepted aspect of my everyday life.
Transitioning from a high-stress environment to one that is more supportive and fulfilling created a mix of emotions. I felt relieved and liberated. I no longer had to contend with the constant pressure and negativity that characterized my previous workplaces.
This shift prompted a period of adjustment as I recalibrated my mindset and reoriented myself to a new normal. The absence of familiar stressors left me feeling strangely adrift, and not quite sure how to navigate this newfound sense of freedom and ease.
I know I am not alone. In these past workplaces, I encountered peers experiencing the same challenges. For many, that continues to be their reality. It's heartbreaking that so many individuals face similar challenges in their workplaces.
If you find yourself in a situation where you're experiencing doubt, stress, gas lighting, racial bias, discrimination, microaggressions, or other forms of abuse or mistreatment in the workplace, it's important to remember that you deserve better. You deserve to work in an environment where your contributions are valued, your talents are recognized, and you're treated with dignity and respect.
As I write this, I sit at one of my favorite coffee shops, sipping on cold brew, listening to music, and finally updating my website and writing this post to share something I wanted to share with the world for some time. Today is also the second week of a four-day work week PEAK Grantmaking has implemented in which all staff have Fridays off.
I have found a workplace that prioritizes rest and wellness, values each individual for who they are, and centers equity in all aspects of its operations. I have found a place where I can not only contribute my talents and skills but also be valued and supported as my authentic self.
In centering equity in all aspects of the work, PEAK Grantmaking is demonstrating a commitment to fairness, justice, and inclusivity, essential values for creating a more equitable and just society. By actively working to dismantle systemic barriers and address disparities, we are creating a more equitable and inclusive workplace where everyone has the opportunity to thrive. And, we are creating a model other organizations should aspire to follow.
This sounds like the kind of inclusive, supportive, and empowering environment everyone deserves to work in.
You may be wondering what have I been doing, or will do, with my Fridays. Well, a couple of weeks ago, I had a chance to present a short evaluation training to nonprofit Executive Directors and CEO's from the Rio Grande Valley. Something I deeply care about is our nonprofit organizations in the RGV and I was honored to share practical and actionable data and evaluation tips these leaders can implement in their organizations.
Last week, I took time off on Thursday, meaning I now had a four-day weekend. I had the honor to share my experiences as an evaluator at the Texas Evaluation Network Virtual Institute. My presentation was titled “Navigating the Complexities of Building Evaluation and Data Analysis Capacity in Nonprofit Organizations,” a topic that generated a lot of interest, conversations, and shared experiences which I am now considering turning into a blog post and potentially a short book. Something I probably will work on developing on Fridays.
But it's not all work. I also have a chance to grab lunch with my wife or plan a short getaway with her. I'll get to go grocery shopping or catch a movie mid-morning. Go for a walk. Play with our kitty, Rosita. Visit a museum. Or spend the day with my parents. The possibilities are endless!
This is my new reality and new normal–a transformative and empowering journey towards a more positive and fulfilling life experience.